Craving Chocolate

One of my readers, Kilikina, recently e-mailed me asking how I was doing since my miscarriage. After I responded to her I decided to post my response here also to update anyone else who reads my blog.

Thanks for checking up on me, I appreciate it. I guess I'm doing pretty okay. I get sad sometimes but then I remember that each and every one of my pregnancies has been in God's capable hands and this time it was no different even though the final outcome was different.

We weren't "trying" or hoping to get pregnant because we leave it up to God to decide the quantity and timing of the children He gives us. Having said that, now that I've lost this baby, I find myself hoping to get pregnant again. It's almost like someone surprising you with a big piece of chocolate cake and then taking it away before you had a chance to take a bite! Now I'm hungry for chocolate cake! I don't really know where I would put a fifth child, but I figure if God can make room for a baby inside my body(!) then He can make room in my home. Not a problem.

Of course, I see pregnant people EVERYWHERE (I notice pregnant people everywhere when I'm pregnant too), but it doesn't cause me much turmoil. I really trust God's hand in all things. Having four kids is great. Having more would be great too. He's the Potter, I'm the clay. I'll welcome whatever He gives me.

He hath made everything beautiful in His time... Ecc.3:11a